Why I cannot leave the darkness behind

What lies behind those curtains in the dark? Today’s thoughts drift away from the open windows to those that are shut up like closed doors, shades are drawn and you cannot see in just as much as they cannot see out.  What do they hide within? Some hide in fear, afraid of the evil that lurks outside.

Others hide so that we cannot see their own evil. They hide because if we began to understand them, we would loathe them. If they showed us what goes on in their world, what is hidden within their walls, we would see their guilt and take away their freedom.

Evil resides in so many hearts that we cannot always tell at first glance. The smile hides the sneer. The laugh hides the yell. Sometimes their eyes are the only ways to look within, to see their soul and to see who they truly are.

Matt-B-Dark-Window_opt1When they sit across from me I try to see, I try to judge whether they are being true to who they are or is there more. We all have secrets, pieces of ourselves which we choose not to share with the world, keeping them hidden unless pried from our hands and our hearts. Sometimes we have to find those secrets. Sometimes the only way to solve another’s pain is to find the secret which caused it. Peeling back the layers of their mind until they are laid bare, nothing left to hide and hope beyond hope that there is nothing there, no memories of terror, either inflicted or received.

I am good at peeling away those layers. I am good at helping them to see why they should trust their secrets to me. I am good at helping others to find justice in an unjust world.

I am not good at hiding the results away. I am not good at closing the window and keeping the voices quiet in my head after hearing the screams for so long. I am not good at remembering those who I have helped and forgetting those who I have failed. Some hide behind those curtains now because I could not help them.

My secret shame is that I cannot help them all. My secret is that I forget the ones that I have helped, but never release the ones who I have failed.  Those will stay with me, behind the curtains that hide the pain within my soul.  Ignore the man behind the curtain, he only hides so that you cannot see his tears.