Have you ever watched the grass on a cloudy day and seen the way the shadows glide quietly across as the clouds block the sun’s rays? Have you ever been looking at the sun and as soon as the shadow comes over you, you feel the chill as the air suddenly changes? Darkness falls and you look up, waiting to see when the sunlight will again reach out to touch your skin. I believe this is so very much like my life, sitting in the shadows and wanting, desperately needing, to feel the sunshine once again on my face.
That sunshine creates life and is our natural state of being. The skies are never permanently clouded over or plants wouldn’t survive, trees wouldn’t get the light needed to grow, animals couldn’t distinguish between day and night. That sunshine is meant to touch your face. It is meant to make the flowers bloom. It is meant to be the giver of life.
Those clouds remind us that we sometimes need rain. That storms will come and they will pass. In the middle of the storm we may wonder if it will ever end, if we will survive the deluge. Then it ends and we begin to heal.
My week has been filled with shadows and sunlight. So many times I looked out the window needing to see the sun but only met with the darkness of the clouds shadow. Somehow the sun knew my breaking point and just when I wanted to yell at the world out of my window, the clouds broke and the sunshine came gliding across, sliding up my body until I had to close my eyes. Just let myself feel its warmth. Feel enveloped in warmth.
My week was filled with life and death. Some gone, left far too early in their young life. Deserving to see the sun again but now shrouded in clouds forever. The makeshift memorial to her on the corner does little to really embrace who she was. The cries of friends and family will not bring her back. They will live in the shadows until they are ready to see the sun again. I can just say to them that I am sorry, I can’t tell them that the sun will shine again because right now they wouldn’t believe me. There are times that I don’t believe me.
I walk across the street, back into my car to look out again at life through the window. As I pull away, the sunshine breaks through the clouds and reminds me.